


Remembering is Never Easy (But I'm Coming Back for You)

by writewithurheart



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Avengers AU, Brainwashing, F/M, Specifically Captain America: Winter Soldier AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28243905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writewithurheart/pseuds/writewithurheart
Summary: An Avengers/Winter Soldier AUWhen they defrosted her, Captain Clarke Griffin thought everyone she knew and cared about was gone. Two years later, she finds an enemy wearing the face of her former best friend and crush: Bellamy Blake. What lengths will she go to to bring him back to her?
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Remembering is Never Easy (But I'm Coming Back for You)

**Author's Note:**

> Because I was finally watching season 7, and I couldn't ignore the Winter Soldier parallels because there's no way they'd just shrug off the "oh, well, Bellamy's brainwashed, guess we should kill him." I had the stray thought that Clarke would pull a Steve Rogers in terms of helping Bucky remember so here we are: AVENGERS AU. 
> 
> I have a whole parallel cast but this is the storyline that really dragged me in, so here you go! Happy reading!

**Remembering is Never Easy (But I’m Coming Back for You)**

“What do you want?” 

Clarke knows her words are harsh, but she can’t deal with Echo. Not right now. Not when her whole world feels like it’s falling apart every time she tries to put it back together. She thought she was doing better, that she’d learned to live without him, and now his face is haunting her and the last thing she wants is company. 

“You know him.” 

She closes her eyes against Echo’s quiet, too-knowing voice. First trying to set her up on dates and now this. “What are you even doing here?” 

“Making sure you haven’t fallen and can’t get up.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes. “I get it. I’m old. I think Raven’s used that one before.” 

“I’ll make sure to be more original next time.” Echo swings her legs over the ledge of the dam to sit on the edge. She manages to look comfortable and not like she’s perched precariously over a drop that would most definitely kill her. 

“So who sent you to check up on me?” 

Echo turns to look at her. Her eyes look older than her face, like she’s seen far more than most senior citizens. Clarke supposes it might be true even her background as an assassin. “Maybe I want us to be friends.” 

“Didn’t think friends were your thing.” 

Echo purses her lips and shrugs, turning away. “Once upon a time they weren’t. How do you know him?” 

Clarke scowls. This is the last thing she wants to talk about. “Can we talk about something else?” 

“You knew the man on the bridge. You froze when you saw him.” 

Clarke remains silent. Maybe if she just keeps her damn mouth shut, Echo will go away. 

“You never freeze.” 

She stares at her hands, remembering a time when they were covered in blood and he was the one there, in the trenches with her. She remembers reaching for him as he dangled off the side of that mountain, feeling his fingers slip through hers before he fell backwards and the train sped her miles away. 

His eyes still haunt her dreams. She wasn’t even sure it was him today, not until that damn mask came off and he somehow didn’t recognize her. He looked at her and saw nothing. Her heart felt like it had been ripped right out of her chest. 

“Who is he?” 

Clarke’s hand wraps around the extra set of dog tags that hangs from her neck, the ones he gave her before that fateful mission because he wanted to talk to her after about...something. She refuses to cry in front of Echo. 

Echo’s clever eyes catch the motion. She still doesn’t speak. 

Clarke can deal with talking. She can deal with intrusive questions, but the silence is worse. It begs to be filled and she hates that she wants to open up when she knows full well that Echo is a spy and some part of her always will be. Still, the words want to be spoken. 

“He was my best friend. I let him die.” She swallows past the lump in her throat. Her perfect memory summons Bellamy as she last saw him, eyes understanding as he fell, knowing that she hadn’t been able to rescue him. “I thought he was dead.” 

Echo hums. “How sure are you-” 

“It’s him. I would recognize him anywhere,” Clarke says harshly, finally turning to glare at Echo. “All that talk about the Winter Soldier. You really didn’t know who he was?” 

Echo shrugs, looking infuriatingly bland. “I knew him, from before. He went by Soldat then. He was one of my trainers. The question is: how do you know him?” 

Clarke releases the dog tags before she crumples them in her superhuman grip. “His name is Bellamy Blake. Sergeant in the 107th. We grew up together.” 

She almost chuckles at the look of disbelief in Echo’s face as she puts the pieces together. A part of her had wondered if the Russian spy was well-versed in American history. She knew the Howling Commandos were a well known group. She’s been to the exhibit in the Smithsonian and seen Bellamy’s picture plastered all over the place. 

“He fell off a train during a mission in the Alps. We went back for his body, but never found it. Guess someone else did.” And turned him into something he would hate. His smile flashes before her eyes again. 

“You love him.” 

Clarke appreciates that she doesn’t use the past tense, that she doesn’t say loved like he’s out of her reach now. “He’s my anchor. Without him…” 

Echo nods and looks away, out over the abandoned dam. “I get it. So, ready to rescue him or what?” 

“What if we can’t?” The question sticks in Clarke’s throat but she has to ask. She doesn’t want to think about leaving him behind, but what they’re talking about in there...Project Insight must be stopped. At any cost. 

They both know it’s a possibility, just like they both know what the answer is. 

“Then you let me or Gaia do it,” Echo answers. Her voice sends a shiver down Clarke’s spine with the iciness of it. 

“He stopped. When I said his name earlier,” she elaborates at Echo’s look. “He stopped.” 

“Listen, Cap, I know you want to save him-” 

“I have to try.” 

“So let’s try.” Clarke looks past Echo to Gaia. She’s suited up for battle, wings strapped across her back and goggles dangling around her neck. 

Echo doesn’t look pleased but nods. “Fine. We’ll try this your way.” 

“I can get through to him. I know it.” If she just says the right words or maybe beats the crap out of him or something along those lines. It’s Bellamy. She has to be able to do something. She won’t let him go out this way. 

“For your sake, I hope you’re right, Cap.” 

* * *

He knew her. 

The woman on the bridge. 

They think he means the spider and they tell him that she used to be one of his trainees, but the Asset is talking about the blonde. There was something in her eyes, the way her blonde hair fell across her face. 

It used to be longer. 

He’s not sure how he knows that, but he does. Just like he knows the code words his handlers whisper, like he knows the way electricity fries and resets his brain. He knows her. 

They lie and say that he doesn’t. 

He looks into Cadogan’s eyes and knows that something is not right. It’s a lie. 

Then all he knows is the pain of reprogramming. 

Nothing. 

If the Asset were any less disciplined, he would be pacing the walkway in front of SHIELD headquarters as he waits for his target to arrive. His programming buzzes with the newness of a forward approach. The Asset doesn’t remember prior missions but standing in the open makes him antsy. There is something different here. 

Finally, he spots movement on the road. 

He lowers his gun and takes aim. 

This is what the Asset does. 

He never misses. 

So why does it feel like he’s screaming inside? 

He fires. 

* * *

Clarke knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Logically she knew it. Bellamy was one hell of a fighter even before HYDRA did whatever the hell it is that turned him into the Winter Soldier. She can’t remember the last time they really fought, if they have even really fought together. 

She spits blood out of her mouth after a particularly brutal punch and remembers Octavia sharing a story about the time Bellamy let her beat the crap out of him after he nearly let Lincoln get killed. She remembers helping patch him up after that incident and how he’d shrugged it off. 

_ “She’s my sister. If she needs someone to blame, let it be me.”  _

She’d glared at him, both of them knowing it wasn’t his fault. He and Lincoln had been working at the docks. He’d tried to stop what was happening, but Pike had gotten him out of the way and gone after Lincoln. Octavia, in own stubborn way, had decided that Bellamy should have done more. 

_ “This isn’t your fault. You know that, right?” _ ****

Clarke wipes the blood dripping from her split lip and raises her hands again. She knows she’s not the best fighter, but she never gives up. “I can do this all day.” 

The Soldier says nothing, just watches her with Bellamy’s face. 

“Whatever it takes. You know me, Bellamy Blake. We save who we can each day. Today, I’m saving you or going down with this damn ship.” That’s a Clarke Griffin promise. Not Captain America speaking, but Clarke. “I need you with me. You recognized me on the bridge. Come on, Bellamy.” 

The helicarrier is tilting dangerously under their feet. Clarke can feel herself losing tractions as she braces her shield in front of her as Bellamy advances. “I know you’re in there, Bellamy.” 

He doesn’t stop. 

Clarke takes a few more hits. The ones she returns are getting weaker. “You’re my heart, Bellamy. Remember? The head and the heart.” 

His fist pauses midswing. Clarke can’t let down her guard but her breath catches in her throat, hope rising at the hesitation. 

“The head and the heart,” she repeats, desperately as he brow furrows in confusion. “You and me. Together, Bell. Always. The head and the heart.” 

He frowns, his fist falters. “Together?” 

The tears come unbidden, blurring the corners of her vision. Clarke smiles around the blood and the pain of her split lip. She’s probably got at least one black eye but it would just make her more recognizable. “Together.” 

The hand lowers. “I know you.” 

“Yeah, Bellamy. You-” 

Her world lurches and Clarke is falling. She lands against the glass with a heavy thud, but before she can push herself up, a metal beam lands on top of her and shoves the air from her lungs. Her arms feel like jelly as she tries to move it with no success. 

Bellamy moves to stand over and lifts his hand, a hand now holding a gun that he points at her head, face expressionless. 

Clarke feels hot tears run in streams down her face. She offers him a small smile. “You and me, Bellamy. Together to the end, huh? The head and the heart.” 

She passes out, sure that this is it: the moment she finally embraces death. 

* * *

He knows her. 

The Asset - she called him Bellamy… 

The head and the heart. 

Together. 

The words mean something to him. He lifts his hand to touch the strands of her short blonde hair, but stops just short of making contact. He just knows it would be soft if he closed the distance. There’s a sensation of soft strands slipping between his fingers. The metal of his hand ruins the memory and the Asset - Bellamy - jerks back. 

Distantly, he hears two people crashing through the woods, calling for Clarke. 

He can’t be here when they arrive. It hurts to step back, to leave her there on the bank of the river, alone. He has a flash of leaving her before - of falling and cold. Bad things happened after that. 

For a moment, he’s paralyzed by the bruises on her and the cuts that he caused. He hurt her, and he might not know why but that fact hurts. He gets another flash, this time of laughter and the soft press of lips. Meaningful looks, fights in back alleys. 

He staggers back and turns away. 

He doesn’t know what he needs, but he knows he can’t be here, not when he might hurt her again. 

So he straightens and moves into the trees. He hides himself in the foliage and watches as two figures run to the collapsed Captain. He sees the spider - familiar, Russian, deadly threat - drop to her side and pull out a phone as the other - the one with the wings starts to administer first aid. With enhanced hearing, he listens as the spider calls for an ambulance. 

The Asset - Bellamy - lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

She’s safe. 

He can leave now. 

She’ll be fine. 

And when he’s figured out who he is - who Bellamy is - he can come back to her. 

_ The head and the heart.  _

* * *

His journey to remember takes years but it starts and ends in Brooklyn. 

After a detour to the Smithsonian, Bellamy decides the best thing to do is to visit home. He doesn’t get far before he’s sidetracked and it turns out HYDRA has nothing on stubborn little sisters.

Bellamy sat in the park where he used to take O when their mom needed to get them out of the house so she could entertain or work without O demanding her attention. He tilts his face up to the sun and he can hear the twinkle of his little sister’s giggle as she raced around just out of his reach. 

He can hear the remnant of Clarke warning them to be careful when she had to stop running so that she could catch her breath every couple minutes. He remembers her now, sickly and skinny and yet still determined she could do everything he could and more. Her voice, high pitched as she yelled at the group of boys throwing stones at a stray cat that she later tried to take home. She found out the hard way that she was allergic when she arrived home with hives. 

“Are you ever going home?” 

Bellamy sighs but doesn’t open his eyes. “I don’t have a home anymore.” 

“Well that’s a lie. She’s a hop, skip and a jump away in Manhattan. Never pegged you for a coward, Bell.” 

His eyes peek open to glare at Octavia. 

She turns her nose up and huffs. “Don’t you know you’re supposed to listen to your elders?” 

“I’m older than you, O.” He points out. 

She shoots him a shrewd look that reminds him completely of their mother. “You  _ were  _ older than me. And then you went to war, got experimented on, fell off a train, got kidnapped, got experimented on again, and then spent sixty years running around killing people with only half your brain working. Now I’m the old one and you’re still running.” 

“I’m not running. I’m sitting here with you.” 

Octavia stares him down. “If you’re not running, then why haven’t you been to see your girl yet. You know exactly where she is. Instead, you’re sitting here like a sorry lump on a log, moping. You should be there being disgustingly cute, making eyes at each other.” 

Bellamy leans forward and rests his hands on his head. “What if she hates me?” 

“Hates you? I’m pretty sure there’s no power on earth that can make Clarke Griffin hate you, Bellamy Blake.” 

“When did you get so wise?” 

“While you were frozen in Russia,” she counters. “Now go help Indra out of that tree. Lord knows where my granddaughter gets all that energy from.” 

Bellamy makes sure to grumble about being made to move off the bench, but knows it doesn’t fool Octavia even a little bit. He mulls over what she says as he plays around with his grandnieces and nephews for the rest of the afternoon until they have to head home for dinner. As usual, O invites him along, but a shadow catches his eye and he declines. 

Hands shoved in his pockets, Bellamy makes his way to the woman dressed in black and casually scrolling through her phone. “Are you following me now?” 

The spider looks up at him and lowers her phone to her lap. “I’ve got a friend who lives nearby.” 

“I know you.” 

She tilts her head. “Do you?” 

“I did terrible things to you because they told me to. I broke you.” 

“Do I look broken to you?” She stands and looks him over. “You’re looking good, Soldat.” 

“Got my head on straight.” He looks around so he doesn’t have to look at her. “You can get me into that eyesore?” 

Echo starts to walk, gesturing for him to follow. “Don’t let Reyes hear you call it that.” 

Bellamy stops. “Reyes…” 

“You’ve got a standing invitation, Blake.” Echo turns to look at him. “She’s not too happy about it, but Raven knows you were just the weapon. You aren’t going to chicken out on me now, are you?” 

He takes a deep breath. “No.” He’s ready. 

It’s time. 

* * *

Clarke balances her sketchpad on her knees. She tilts her head and looks back at her daughter napping on the couch. Maddy had passed out shortly after they returned from visiting Gaia’s mother on the farm. Indra had a strange habit of both spoiling Maddy rotten and training her to exhaustion. 

Gaia had stayed behind for another couple days with her mother, but Maddy had school on Monday and Clarke still had to prove to child protective services that she was a responsible foster parent since the adoption was still pending. Not that she approves of missing school in general. Maddy’s been through a lot and there’s few things that bring her joy like visiting the farm. Goodness knows it’s helped her get a handle on her powers since the incident in Sokovia. 

It reminds her of training sessions with the Commandos while she was trying to get a handle on how to wield her shield, all of them standing in a field and trying to figure out how not to look like an idiot. 

She refocuses on the pad in front of her and returns to her shading. It’s yet another study of Bellamy’s face. She knows he’s been seeing Octavia. She’s seen the signs in the way little things around O’s room are suddenly fixed up, the way the grandkids seemed to be around more. Her knowing looks. 

They didn’t speak about it. They talked about everything else under the sun: Lincoln, the civil rights movement, the best kinds of candy, favorite books, but seldom Bellamy. The only thing Octavia has said is that he’s trying to remember who he is. 

Clarke runs her hand over the drawing of Bellamy’s face as she last saw him. “The head and the heart,” she whispers to the drawing of the Winter Soldier. It doesn’t matter to her what he remembers or what he doesn’t. She just wants him to be safe. Of course, she wants him home with her, but that’s second to wanting him safe. 

There’s a soft ping from the hidden speakers around the room. 

“Captain Griffin,” comes a soft female voice, kept low so as to not wake Maddy. 

“Yes, Bekka?” The AI had taken some getting used to, but Raven promised that this one wouldn’t go rogue and try to take over the world like ALIE. 

“I’ve been asked to notify you that you have a guest.” 

She frowns. “A guest?” 

“Agent Echo thought it best to have you meet in the common area.” 

Clarke looks over at Maddy and closes her sketchbook with a sigh. “Echo brought them?” 

“Indeed, Captain.” 

“I’ll be right up.” 

Clarke grabs a throw blanket and drapes it over Maddy. She writes a quick note explaining she was called away and leaves it on the table beside Maddy’s phone where she’ll no doubt see it. The first thing she always does is reach for that infernal device. 

After taking a moment to check her appearance in the mirror - Echo is still trying to set her up on dates after all - Clarke left to the stairs to go up the two floors to the common area instead of taking the elevator that everyone else seems to favor. She checks her own phone just in case Echo sent her a warning but there’s no text. She really isn’t a fan of surprises, especially not when there’s a spy involved. 

“Echo, I don’t know what this is about, but I just got b-” Clarke stops short as she gets a look at the person in the room with Echo. 

He looks...he looks like Bellamy. Like the last time she saw him. 

His hair is shorter, curling around his temples. His freckles stand out against his skin in a way they didn’t when he was the Soldier. Warm brown eyes find hers. Last time she’d seen him, those eyes had been cold, devoid of even a semblance of memory. Now they seem to drink her in, memorizing every feature. 

“Bellamy?” She asks tentatively, unsure that this really is him, and not a figment of her imagination. 

He nods. There’s a hint of tears in his eyes as he stares at her. He swallows thickly before he finally can get the words out. “Hey, Princess.” 

“Bellamy!” She races at him. Probably not the smartest decision since the last time they saw each other he almost killed her, but he knows her. He _ knows _ her. And that’s all that matters. 

His arms wrap around her, a solid familiar weight. Just like when she rescued him from Azzano. They band around her: a comfort that has always meant she’s home. He holds her like she’s something precious, like he never wants to let go. His embrace is snug and she never wants it to end. 

“You’re back.” 

“Couldn’t let you down now, could I?” He whispers into her hair. “Not after everything. Together, right?” 

Clarke knows she’s crying. She doesn’t recall when it started, but her cheeks are wet and she doesn’t know how she could possibly stop. She presses her face into his chest. Is it pathetic that all she can think is that he smells exactly the same? 

“Together,” she repeats. 

“Took me a while to get my head sorted out. O helped.” 

She squeezes him tighter. He’s really here. And he sounds like himself. 

“She thinks she’s all wise now or something. Said she had to be the one to set me straight.” 

His chuckle resonates through his chest and Clarke closes her eyes in contentment. “She’s stubborn.” 

“My sister, my responsibility,” he whispers into her hair. “Apparently now that she’s older than me it’s reversed.” 

Clarke laughs into his shirt. “Sounds like something Octavia would say.” She pulls away finally and swipes at the tears on her face. “You sound like yourself.” 

His hand - the flesh one - cups her cheek, thumb running over her cheek bone. His eyes bore into hers. “Took me a while. Blew some stuff up. Looked at a lot of pictures. Listened to a lot of stories. Beat up some cult members.” 

Clarke smiles. “Sounds cathartic.” 

“Yeah.” His voice is soft, reverent. “It was.” 

She crinkles her brow at him. “What?” 

“You saved me.” 

Clarke shakes her head. “You’re the one who put yourself back together. Not me.” 

“Couldn’t have done it without you.” Bellamy brushes her hair back behind her ear. “The head and the heart. Together. Don’t sell yourself short, Griffin.” 

Her breath catches in her throat. Bellamy has always been more tactile than she ever was, but this is more than she expected. It’s like he can’t stop touching her, as if she might disappear if he loses contact. His eyes follow the path of his fingers. For a moment - when his fingers brush her bottom lip - Clarke thinks he might kiss her. 

“Bellamy?” 

His eyes jerk from her lips to her eyes and he sends her a disarming smile. He takes a step back. “Sorry.” 

She wants to tell him that it’s okay. She wants to tell him it’s alright to kiss her, to want to. But he’s never wanted that before. She might have loved him her whole life, but he’s the boy who loved dancing and spent each weekend out with a different girl. None of them Clarke, who was always too skinny, too sickly. 

After the serum, when she finally looked like she could be one of Bellamy’s girls, he never looked at her any different. Before that last mission, before she lost him, he’d told her they needed to talk. She’d imagined - hoped against hope - that it was some kind of confession. She’d found the letter in his footlocker, and she has no idea if he even remembers. 

“It’s alright, Bell. So you remember everything?”

He shrugs, shoulders hunching. “Near as I can figure, most of it. There are some gaps. Sometimes I get a bit confused. I remember less of the in between. Been keeping a journal. It helps.” 

“That’s great, Bel. Got an extra room for you.” She grins. “Just say the word.” 

“I don’t know, Clarke.” He glances around the room like he expects to be struck by lightning any moment. “Raven Reyes...her parents…” 

Clarke pauses even as she nods in understanding. “It wasn’t you, Bellamy. She gets that.” 

He looks at her skeptically. 

“Okay. She’s dealing with it. She knows you didn’t have any control. She’s okay with you staying here, and she’s even a fan of the way you blow up HYDRA bases.” There had been a couple spats in there, but at last check, Raven only wanted him to bring his arm down to her lab.

“Figures you’d be friends with the kids who like to blow things up.” Bellamy shakes his head. 

“Come on.” Clarke slips her hand into Bellamy’s, realizing a split second too late that it’s the metal one, but still uses her grip to pull him along. “Let me show you around. Gaia’s not here, but I can introduce you to the others-” 

“Slow your roll, Princess. There’s something I gotta say first.” Bellamy jerks her to a stop and she frowns up at him. 

“What?” 

“I might be having trouble but there’s a couple things I remember.” He tugs her so Clarke moves closer into his space. Traitorously, she leans further into his space. 

“Yeah? What’s that?” She’s curious about what’s so important he felt the need to stop them. 

“We never got to have that talk.” 

“Bell, that’s really not important.” 

“It is.” 

“No. You’re back. That’s all that matters.” 

“I’m trying to say something here, Princess. Would you let me get it out?” 

Clarke sighs and gestures at him to continue. 

“Before the train, I wanted to talk. You and Lexa had your thing, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that, but I couldn’t not tell ya.” 

“Bell-” 

“No. Let me get this out. Clarke, you’ve been my best friend my entire life. I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I don’t ever want to find out. I walked in on you and her and I realized what an idiot I was. I’ve been in love with you since we were ten and you punched out that bully who was going after Jasper. I was too chicken to say anything and ever since I remembered all I’ve wanted to do is tell you. I waited too long last time. I won’t make that same mistake again.” 

He cups her face with both hands so she can’t look away. “I love you, Clarke Griffin. WIth all my heart. It was always meant to be this way. You and me: together. The head and the heart.” 

Clarke chokes on a sob, unable to speak when Bellamy’s just said the words she always wanted to hear. This can’t be real. It has to be some dream or illusion or something. 

“Clarke?” He whispers. 

The words that come out aren’t what she expects. “Well, what are you waiting for, Blake? Are you going to kiss me or not?” 

She’s so glad he chooses the first option.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought! 
> 
> The rest of my casting for the extended Universe so far(in case you're interested):   
> Captain America - Clarke   
> Winter Soldier - Bellamy   
> Black Widow - Echo   
> Falcon - Gaia   
> Scarlet Witch - Maddy   
> Ironman - Raven Reyes   
> Thor - Roan   
> Hawkeye - (was going to be Octavia, but that obviously changed with this story)   
> Hulk - Monty Green   
> Emori and Murphy would be some variation of Pepper, Happy and Colonel Rhodes.


End file.
